Ma'vhenan
by turians4ferelden89
Summary: Broken and unsure, Solas takes one last look at his beloved before turning to continue his journey alone. Solas/Levellan R&R!


Hello everyone, long time no see! I haven't written a fanfiction in YEAARS! I used to be part of this site when I was young and now have decided to come back to it under a different name (because what I wrote when I was little was absolutely awful). I love Dragon Age and plan to make a lot of one shots and have an idea for multi-chapter idea, so please follow and keep your eyes open for my new stuff. I welcome criticism, but please be constructive! Enjoy!

Taking a small, wary step forward, his eyes fixated on the girl sitting on the steps of Skyhold, Solas grew more uncertain of his decision to leave. He had a mission and while he had hoped that their battle with Corypheus went differently, he had to stay adamant in his decision. The orb was destroyed, there was no denying that. One of his final hopes gone and now he would have to search for another. It made his mission even more difficult to accomplish, but no matter what he would see it through.

What he didn't see happening though was the love that he had developed for young Lavellan. Thoughts re-emerged from the previous night in the glen, her sweet and innocent face gazing back at him. The trust in her eyes stung then, but it had grown even worse now watching her from afar. He had been a fool. Selfish. The thought that he could have something, anything, after what he had done so long ago was almost ludicrous.

He hadn't intended it to go this route. Solas had perhaps fallen even harder than she, feelings that he had never experienced before in his long life bubbled up through his chest. The feeling of her in his arms, their lips pressed together, no space between them, the intensity of everything had all in all been too much for him to handle and now? Solas leaned against the tavern that they had spent so much time in with the rest of their friends, his eyes locked on her face, the realization of his actions finally seeping in.

He should never have encouraged their time together. She was heartbroken. The heart that had stood so strong over the course of the previous months was wounded. Broken, tears streaming down her face, and suffering from a betrayal with no explanation.

 _His vhenan…_

Dorian, who had grown into a close friend during their time together, was even having trouble comforting her. His hand on her shoulder, soft words, but her tears never stopped. Even from this distance, he could tell how much she begged her tears to stay back, but they refused. Solas took a deep breath, his eyes shifting, searching the ground for the answers he needed. Should he return to her side? Would that not be even more selfish? His mission would decide the fate of all the People. Was he willing to risk their fate for the feelings of one individual?

No.

Solas took a step back, a pained expression crossing his features, fighting the instinct to go to her side, beg for forgiveness and comfort her. They had grown so close, but it was never meant to be. She would never forgive him for what he had done and even more so for whom he truly was.

Fen'harel, the Dread Wolf.

She was no fool and he had known all along that she was raised among the Dalish. She would know that name. She would know everything as soon as she heard it. He couldn't allow her to find out his secret. If at all possible he had to spare her that. Better she think she only betrayed. Better he leave her to heal in peace.

Solas closed his eyes, the fear of loneliness threatening to overtake him. He was alone. While he had spent a good deal of his life this way, the last few months with the Inquisition only left a larger hole in their wake. He was alone, but he had to endure.

He took another step back, each movement becoming more and more difficult for him.

Things would be better. One day when his mission was complete, perhaps he would return to her side. By then, maybe he would have the courage to face her and tell her what truly happened once he knew she was safe. Maybe she would forgive him.

Maybe…

"Dareth shiral, vhenan…"

His words were soft, whispers despite being too far for her to hear. With one last look at his beloved, he took a deep breath and turned, but was stopped almost immediately. The spirit of compassion, the one called Cole, had been watching him for who knew how long. He stood there, watching Solas intently. Cole knew, he had suspected he knew all along what Solas truly was. He only lacked the ability to put the thoughts into words or maybe he kept silent because he knew the affect the rejection from Lavellan would have on him. The two locked eyes for a full minute before the pain became too much for Solas to bear. He had to get away from here; away from her.

"Take care of her." Solas demanded, Cole nodded in agreement almost immediately, as if ready for his request. He had been way more than Solas had expected when they first met him, but he had turned into a great asset. While he sometimes mentally acted as a child would, he found that Cole was smarter than most. He would protect her. Keep her safe. At least for the moment she would be.

Solas took another breath, followed by quick steps. He had to get away from Lavellan or else he would change his decision. Every moment he was close to her, he found it harder and harder to turn away. Solas could feel Cole's eyes piercing into him from behind. It was quiet, almost too quiet for him to hear with how quickly he departed, but Solas could have sworn he heard Cole say "be careful for her" behind him.

He would make no such promise. Things were about to get worse, much worse. The best thing he could do for his vhenan was be as far away from her as possible before his plan came to pass. It mattered not what time would bring, his heart would always belong to her. Forever.

 _Da'vhenan…_

 _Da'vhenan…_

 _I am sorry…_

Note; just FYI, I always felt that Cole knew about Solas. It makes sense to me with certain parts of their dialogue and even more so with the small scene where Solas talks through him. He erased something from his mind, but what...? Hope that didn't bother anyone, just figured I would leave a note to explain that a little.


End file.
